aidreamofsenpai | IC Contact

[Ai was right. Reno didn't have to. But he wasn't sure who else would. Zexion was surely reacting in his own way, but he wasn't the comforting type. Euri, maybe, but... Well, Reno wasn't going to waste time with questions and fluffy words. He would go to action. He was better at that, anyway.]

[So after a few minutes, he knocked on Ruby Room's door, having stolen an entire bottle of ginger ale for Ai as well as a glass. He wasn't about to judge how long Ai was going to be there.]

Ai? It's me.

[ Aiichiro might normally have given some thought to the fact that he was naked, or the faction that he'd drip water all over the floor, or that Reno had a card that would probably let him in. None of those things crossed him mind though.

He left a trail of water behind him as he came to the door, and stood there with streams still sluicing down his skin as he opened it to let the man in. He looked up, laughed softly at the sight of the whole bottle there, and stepped back into the room to let the older man in properly. ]

Do you want to keep me company for a few?

[Reno raised an eyebrow but said nothing, simply took a deep, slow breath. They'd seen each other naked already at this point. The kid was obviously hurting. Now wasn't the time.]

Sure.

[He stepped in quietly, though he hesitated once he was inside. The bed would have been an obvious place to sit, but it wasn't exactly a comfortable option. Too many recent memories. It made him hurt just to think about it. So he simply remained standing, albeit moving to place the bottle and glass down on a table.]

[ Aiichiro poured himself a glass of the ginger ale, then set the bottle back down on the table and stepped back toward the hot tub. Rather than getting back in, he sat down on the steps leading up to it, not even thinking to get a towel to dry off. He took a sip of his drink, set it beside him, and then spoke quietly. ]

I can't do it, you know. I told him what I did because it's true - I do love him, I doubt there was anyone who knew us both who didn't know that even before I opened my mouth on the network - but the other part is true too. He can't make me believe in something I don't.

[ His shoulders squared a little. ]

I can't condone rape and torture and brainwashing, not after seeing it take people's whole personalities away, turn them into shadows of themselves. I'm not saying I'm about to do something drastic, but even if Genesis made the choice to stand with Sephiroth-

[ That name comes out a little bitterly, he can't help it. ]

-I'm not saying I won't lie beside him, but I can't stand with him.

[Reno's look grew darker and he bit back a bitter comment regarding rape. Think of Ai, think of Ai. It was only a matter of time before Genesis would disappoint the kid, after all, that was the downfall of "love" in general and to have those feelings for that man in particular... Ai had the cards stacked against him. So as irritated as Reno wanted to be, he took a deep breath and let it go.]

I think it'd be selfish of him t' ask.

[And Genesis might ask. Sephiroth was obviously self-centered enough to just take whoever he wanted down with him.]

As long as y' can keep that distinction.

[Though, to be honest, Reno was doubtful. It was one thing just to sleep with someone and then leave in the morning without a care, no feelings invested. But "loving" someone was messy and complicated.]

I think if I don't - if I can't - I'll wind up leaving him in the end, not joining him. I think there's a limit to what I can accept and have anything left of who I am.

[ Aiichiro sighed softly, pushed his toes against either other, hunching further. He didn't know if he should bother saying anything, if it would just make things worse. But he couldn't be less than honest with someone being kind to him, especially now.]

I know I'm not perfect. I've done bad things in this world, things I would never have done at home. During the storm, especially, there was something terrible... but I wasn't at all in control of my body then, to a point where I was screaming in my head to make the situation stop. And during Belenus... I can't claim that for that one. I want to apologize - I am sorry - but also think that...

I don't see myself as too far gone, now, to recover any part of what makes me me. But I think if I were to side with the city, to actively say I would defend it, that would happen.

[Reno crossed his arms and shifted on his feet, looking down at the floor as he listened. And hearing Ai apologize... It was still so surreal, having the kid do what he'd done. If Reno hadn't been there, he might not have believed it. And while Reno wanted to remain bitter, hearing Ai apologize made that difficult. He believed Ai was sincere. And they both weren't quite themselves -- or maybe, they were too much like themselves. Reno sure felt that way.]

Thanks... Ai.

[He hadn't called him that since before Lit Club, not until he'd heard Ai crying.]

You mighta' heard what Sephiroth said about me. An' I don't care, it's true. But I know where I stand. An' if yer firm in yer convictions like that, then at the end a' the day, really, you just gotta be there for you. Because you're the only one you'll be stuck with for the rest a' yer life.

No, you can't thank me for that. It wasn't even a proper apology.

[ Aiichiro said it quite firmly, and then pushed himself to his feet, leaving his glass there on the steps. He stood in front of Reno, far enough away to give himself room, and then offered a low bow. ]

I am deeply sorry for the hurt I have caused you. I've been thinking how to approach it, but the fact is, I don't want to prolong a cycle of violence that I can't control, and any reparation I could make publicly would do just that, bringing Genesis back into it. So here is my formal offer: if you are still angry, and hurt, and want to...

You can ask anything you want of me to make up for it, as long as he doesn't have to know. Because you're right, and I'm the one I have to live with.

Edited (icon issues) 2014-11-16 00:42 (UTC)

Reno felt his ears burn slightly as Ai offered... well, what Reno thought he was offering.

"Stand up!" the Turk grumbled, rubbing his arm awkwardly. "Ya don't need t' do that. Genesis won't apologize, but I'm not gonna hurt you."

There were plenty of people Reno had tortured, and surely plenty more that would come. But it wouldn't be Ai. Not when Reno had practically asked for it. "Besides, I kinda deserved it."

[ Aiichiro straightened, still rather unaware of the fact that he was standing there naked, even with the water evaporating off his skin raising goosebumps. He just didn't have the focus to think about it, not with everything else going on. A far cry from home, that nonchalance, but then so were many things here.

The reaction to his offer wasn't unexpected, not really. He had been willing to accept either outcome, but Reno's refusal had been likely. Still, the spirit of the thing was the same, and he would have followed through, he's quite sure of it.

Now that it's past though - and he can breathe a little easier, because it had been a little frightening to offer - he can't help smile softly.]

Well, maybe a little. But I do hope we can be friends again.

Well, first off, ya might wanna put on some pants.

[The Turk pointed at Ai's nude body.]

That would help.

[ Aiichiro did have the grace to flush a little. He'd mostly dried off in the air since stepping out of the hot tub, but he stepped over to grab a towel and dry off a little more just in case, then reached for the clothes he'd stripped out of when he bolted in here. He rubbed a hand over the bite scar on his butt - a habit he'd picked up since discovering it again - and started to dress.]

Sorry. I wasn't thinking.

[ Well, it wasn't like most people minded him nude. ]

Ah, do you want... maybe we could go to your room instead, or mine, for a little while? I really don't want to be alone, but... I could call it a break and pay you for your time if you want...

Ai.

[Reno glared and planted his hands firmly on his hips, annoyed.]

Just stop. I'm not gonna take yer body, I'm not gonna beat you, an' I don't want yer money.

[And he certainly didn't want it on the books that Ai had bought his time.]

We'll deal with that shit later. [He sighed.] But I ain't so damn heartless that I'm gonna leave you alone right now. So just -- whichever room you want. We can stay here if you just really fuckin' wanted to so badly.

I just want a conversation where I ain't starin' at yer junk.

I didn't mean it like that! I just didn't want to waste your time...

[ Aiichiro curled in on himself a little, his stature changing abruptly with the movement, but tried to finish dressing all the same. He went to pick up his glass and the bottle of ginger ale, then glanced at the room as if he should do something... and decided he didn't care enough. ]

Ah, come on, we'll just... we'll go to my room for a bit. Just until I feel a little better.

[ He wouldn't make Reno stay here, not with how the man was standing around awkwardly and avoiding the bed. ]

[He felt guilty the moment Ai cringed and shrank. That was the Aiichiro he'd known, not the wicked boy from Belanus. He relaxed his stance and nodded, only moving to turn off the hot tub's bubbles. He wouldn't do anything else, though, and he wouldn't blame Ai for not doing anything either. It didn't look like Genesis was coming back any time soon anyway.]

I'll follow you.

Thank you.

[ There's still something a little defeated about Aiichiro's posture as he leads the way to Turquoise room, and he can't really help that. He carries his drink clutched against himself like it's some kind of lifeline, and doesn't look back as he walks. Closing the door can be Reno's job, and beyond that, Aiichiro isn't really worried about the mess he's leaving in Ruby room.

His own room is far too cheerful; aside from the color of it, the little touches that he's added are all bright and happy. The dresser has a couple of stuffed animals sitting out on top - a nod to the fact that most customers who come to him are chasing youth as well as something he just enjoys having - and one of his favorite pieces of lacy lingerie is sitting out, a suggestion to be taken up.

Rather than hovering about, Aiichiro goes to the bed, setting the bottle and glass on the floor beside it, and flops himself down with a sigh. He fully expects Reno to join him, now that they're not in the room where such bad things happened. ]

Reno... are you ever scared of losing yourself completely?

[Reno's nose wrinkled some when he saw the lingerie and he pinched it delicately between two fingers to give it a light toss to the other side of the large bed.]

Whaddaya mean?

[As he sat on the edge of the mattress, it occurred to him that the question was a few years too late, at least for a Turk.]

[ If the conversation weren't so serious, Aiichiro would have laughed at the way Reno tossed his lingerie aside. It was rather cute, really.

The boy's thoughts were a little too serious for remarking on that, though. ]

I've done a lot of things in this world that aren't... me, not really. Some of it was entirely out of my hands - I literally turned into a monster once - but other things were out of fear or drugs or other ways the city messes with us.

[ He frowns. ]

I'm not trying to argue I can't be held accountable, not for Belenus or anything like that! What I'm getting at is... not innocence, exactly? Though that too, considering I stopped trying to count sex partners when I hit triple digits... but something more than that. Everything that is good in myself, or that is myself at all, seems to be... being stripped away.

Edited (ing* ) 2014-12-03 02:14 (UTC)

[Triple digits? And so young... Not that it was impossible, of course, but Ai had always been so... well, innocent. Reno wondered when it had been for Ai, to have slept with so many. He knew he'd lost count long ago.]

An' yer surprised? This is Ariel, y'know... It's what they do. They put people in impossible situations where you change, or you die -- an' they don't even let you stay dead.

All the rubber ducks in the world can't save yer innocence, kid.

No, they don't let you stay dead. I learned that from experience too.

[ His voice is very soft, and he turns onto his side on the bed, reaches off it - past where Reno is sitting - and grabs for his glass. ]

Can you pour me some? Please? I'm so sick to my stomach tonight.

[ He doesn't like asking to be spoiled, not really, but he doesn't want to sit up and do it either. ]

And we can't go home. I thought I went, but I didn't. Knowing things like that... it's why I can't stand it, him being on their side. If I have to live here forever... I don't want to live like this.

[Reno frowned and rose an eyebrow as he just looked at Ai, and his glass, for a moment. Just long enough to be uncomfortable. But Ai looked so pitiful... The redhead huffed a short sigh and poured Ai a small glass. But the message was sent, he wasn't here to serve Ai. He was still somewhat angry. But what Genesis had done today, there were special circumstances.]

What d'ya want me to say? Don't support the city. Genesis is gonna do what Genesis is gonna do, an' y'know why. He has nothin' to go back to if the city let 'im go. An' he's selfish enough t' pull that shit without even thinkin' about anyone else.

That's who you fell in love with, Ai. The guy who gives you attention 'til it matters, an' then he's gone. I can't tell ya what t' do, an' a' course I think the city is corrupt crap. But I know another rat when I see one. Even if he uses prettier words 'n me.

I mean -- you'd think if he wanted t' stay for you, he'd make that clear! But no, it's this Sephiroth bullshit...

[Okay, maybe he slipped a little there. But it pissed him off.]

I know.

[ He doesn't know what to say either, but he can't be angry at Reno for telling the truth. The fact of the matter is that Reno knows more about his lover than Aiichiro does, and whether that will ever change, Aiichiro can't be sure.

He sighs and shakes his head, takes a sip of the drink, then blinks and blushes slightly. ]

Thank you. For the drink, but for being honest with me too. I don't want pretty words right now anyway. I have to face the truth about things, even if...

I'm tired of facing the truth, right now. I found out for sure what I thought I already knew - that I hadn't gone home - and realized that some part of me had still been hoping. Reno... there are a lot of things going on in the city right now, which I guess is why Sephiroth thought he needed to make a show right this moment.

[ He shakes his head, takes another sip. ]

There are a lot of people poking around trying to find things out, and ... I've been doing it too. Asking questions, wanting to know, looking for how to bring the system down. It's not just that I don't support the city, I'm actively trying to act against it. Which means he's my enemy.

[Reno sighed. He hadn't wanted to make Ai feel worse, but he didn't think he'd really lied. Even before, Genesis had been selfish. Shinra was still in the wrong, that was for sure, once Reno fully grasped their part in it. But the SOLDIER had just up and left, started a rebellion, and left Angeal behind -- the man he'd always been such friends with. Rivals, to an extent, certainly, but friends.]

[Friends didn't leave people behind. It just emphasized Reno's belief that real friends were few and far between, and people were generally not trustworthy. But if it were him, he never would have abandoned Rude.]

[He placed a warm hand on Ai's head.] What're you talkin' about? [He was sure there were dissidents, had been wanting to search them out since he'd arrived. But he hardly expected Ai to be one of those trying to collapse the city.]

[ Aiichiro leans into the touch with no hesitation; he needs the comfort right now, even if from an unexpected source. Maybe he's being naive, but Reno's refusal to give back the violence he was shown has put Aiichiro in a mood to trust him. ]

It's... it wasn't terribly formal, but there was something of a ... get-together recently, among people interested in sharing information. It was just a bunch of people chatting individually, not really everyone putting everything they know on the table, and some of the people I saw there... know more than they told, I'm sure of it.

[ He can't be angry with them for it, but he's a little curious if he'll eventually get more from one of those sources. ]

I have my own source too, if I can figure out... how to utilize that connection properly. But the gist of it is that people who have been here a long time have been collecting bits and pieces of information about the city, and the world, and the nature of things here. The fact that none of us can ever truly leave seems to be something ... quite a few people know from different sources, for example.

That's part of why I feel even more determined to create some kind of change.

[O-Oh. Stupid duck... being cute and stuff... Reno hesitated but didn't pull away, feeling slightly warmed despite everything.]

... Aren't you worried, though, that they're listening? Y'know, with the chips an' all, a meeting like that could be monitored, couldn't it?

[That was what Riku had cautioned him, anyway. Reno wasn't frightened by the concept, though maybe he should have been. But no risk, no reward, right? Mostly he was curious if it had occurred to Ai -- and how it might affect the boy's resolve.]

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whoops, missed this one