aidreamofsenpai | IC Contact

[ He should have known better. He should have waited to cook until they'd talked, so he could be right there by Nagisa, not be busy with something. What he'd done for his own comfort wasn't what was best for Nagisa, and now Aiichiro doesn't know what to do. He flips the pancakes currently cooking - several small ones - over, a little messily as he's distracted, and then steps toward Nagisa, still holding the spatula. ]

It's not bad.

[ He gives a little shake of his head. ]

What you feel is what you feel, Nagisa, and it's okay. I certainly can't judge you, when I came back and cried my eyes out myself. Do you want to tell me?

[Nagisa looks up in disbelief.]

I'm sorry I didn't even know that... I can't worry you about all of these things when I didn't help you then either...

[He wraps his arms around himself, lowering his head in apology.]

I'm an awful friend.

[He looks forlornly at the pancakes, wishing he was stuffing his face with that food instead of stumbling through the conversation after a restless night alone in a big house.]

No, you're not. Not to me anyway. If anything, I'm probably the awful friend for not offering you a chance to help, but rather... keeping things from you because I thought you'd freak out or be upset.

[ Aiichiro shrugs his shoulders, turns back toward the food, figuring at very least he can finish it for Nagisa. Offering physical touch might be a nice thing, but also maybe not the best thing, and he's not sure yet which. So he'll finish cooking first, and then see. ]

I'm already worried at this point, Nagisa. I'd rather you tell me what I'm worried about than just worry in the dark. If you can talk about it, I mean.

It's not even about me!

[He's quick to blurt it out, as mad at himself as he is, then looks ashamed of being so loud. His follow-up is normal conversation level, but that's when the tears prick at his eyes.]

I kept things too. From you and... from Rei-chan. Now I'm sure he hates me.

[And then it all comes out.]

Last night he came by my place, and I hadn't seen him in a week since I left the townhouse because I thought it was all a dream, but it wasn't, but I thought it was, and then everything came out on the Network and he was worried and I felt awful about that, but last night he came by and I just...

I couldn't talk to him - about us, about anything! I didn't want to believe... after a year, him suddenly wanting to be with me again? And all because of that stupid guy who kidnapped me??

... Or am I the stupid one for wanting it again? Because I'm scared to be alone again? That's not fair either...

It's not fair!

[ That was it. Aiichiro flips the pancakes that have just finished cooking off the griddle, plops them onto a plate, and then flat out turns the thing off. He sets the plate on the counter just in case Nagisa does feel like eating, but he doesn't remark on it, instead walking around to stand beside his friend, slide an arm around him. ]

Nagisa, I don't think it's possible for Rei to hate you.

[ Aiichiro tried to pull his friend in close, wanting to hold him more than anything, even if it was awkward with the stool and all. He closed his eyes, spoke very quietly, trying to be reassuring. ]

Of course everyone was worried because they care about you, him included. Even if things get really strange here sometimes, even if we don't know what exactly our feelings are, how to classify them or what counts as love or how things fit together anymore...

[ And he feels that way himself now, about so many people, so many situations. The fact is that he's never been in love before this world, and this world has no real concept of love, and that's jarring and weird. ]

Even if we don't understand all the details, caring about each other is the most important thing. So you're not stupid for being confused, and neither of you are wrong, you just... need to figure out what's going to work for you.

But... how do I do that?

[ He leans in to Aiichiro's hold more. ]

Figure it out, I mean. Back home, I could've told anyone who and what was most important to me without even thinking about it for two seconds. Especially that first month or so back.

But so many things changed... I can't pretend they didn't. And now it's like... how can I go back to that old feeling and say it's still real?

[ He looks up into Ai's face then. ]

You figured it out right after you got back, didn't you? What did you do, Ai-chan?

I didn't think. That's what I did.

[ Aiichiro laughs a little sheepishly, and gives his friend a little squeeze. He wishes he had all the answers, that like the fairy that he roleplay sometimes, he could wave his wand and fix everything. But he doesn't, and he can't. All he knows is what worked for himself, really. ]

I was really upset when I came back. A lot of bad things had happened here, and... remembering them all at once, after not knowing at all at home, it was really scary. To realize what I'd become here, everything I'd done and had done to me, it really hurt.

[ He bites his lip for a second. ]

But I didn't think about what I wanted. When I was upset like that, I just went where my feet took me, and it was to Genesis's door. If I'd been thinking about it more, I'd probably have come to you or one of the guys from home, or to Rin-senpai and Haru, but... I didn't think. I just felt, and moved.

I think that if you did that, you'd wind up by Rei's side, wouldn't you?

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