aidreamofsenpai | IC Contact

It's nothing to apologize for. And I'll make tea for you.

[ It's a simple enough way to show he cares, right? Of course, he has sugar and cream, but there's no point serving Nagisa something that isn't his preference. ]

I'm in the kitchen, and my housemate has headed out already, I think. You can let yourself in at the front door if you're comfortable doing so.

[He hitches a ride on the trolley as he gets Ai's message. And frowns curiously.]

Why wouldn't I want to come in the front door? Everyone knows we're friends...

[But now Aiichiro's got his mind going in a million directions wondering what the heck could be wrong.]

Huh? No, not that! Letting yourself in, instead of waiting for me to answer. Of course you could come in the front door!

I know I'm a little silly sometimes, but I'm not that weird. It's really fine. I look forward to seeing you.

[Nagisa gets to Aiichiro's house and gently jiggles the door to make sure it truly is unlocked.]

I'm here.

[And then he walks inside, looking for a light turned on or some other indication of where Aiichiro is. Or anything that looks like the kitchen.]

This way! I hope you like pancakes!

[ Aiichiro's yelling should be loud enough to lead Nagisa to the kitchen. The public areas of the house are all very clean, evidence that Aiichiro doesn't leave many of his things out there, and takes care with the place, unlike his actual bedroom. Shoes lined up neatly at the door, jackets hanging, everything in its place.

The kitchen is nicely appointed as well, and there are stools at a counter island for casual dining, instead of using the formal dining room most of the time. Aiichiro is bouncing around the kitchen with a sort of false energy about him, trying to create a certain mood even though he doesn't really feel much like it. ]

There's a cup of tea already there on the counter for you, have a seat...

Ai-chan!

[He can scarcely believe that his friend went to the trouble of pancakes and tea both for him and ahead of time. Then again, Aiichiro being so proactive doesn't really surprise him, so he goes quiet a moment before smiling back at last.]

Thank you so much.

[And he has the grace to sit down where his friend's indicated and takes a sip of the tea. He still looks pretty exhausted from the night before, though.]

I still can't believe I'm back, Ai-chan, and for what? To get kidnapped and fight.

I know.

[ Aiichiro blinks down at the batter he's pouring onto the griddle, watching it hit the hot surface with a contemplative expression on his face, now that the topic has been brought up again. He wishes that he knew what to say about it, but he doesn't. He doesn't really want to distract from what his friend might want to say about his situation to say anything about how he'd felt too, but he does want to make it clear he understands, at least a little. ]

It's... it's really strange, isn't it? After having gone back to normal life, to be here again. And for something scary to happy right afterward like that... I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

[ He glances toward his friend without moving away from his cooking, his gaze soft against the small space between them. ]

[Nagisa drops his face at how sympathetic Ai is being. On one hand, he should feel glad to have someone worried about him, but on the other...]

Is it bad that...

[He fingers the cup in his hands]

The kidnapping wasn't the worst part?

[Then he raises his hand to wipe at the corners of his eyes with the palm of his hand]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...

[ He should have known better. He should have waited to cook until they'd talked, so he could be right there by Nagisa, not be busy with something. What he'd done for his own comfort wasn't what was best for Nagisa, and now Aiichiro doesn't know what to do. He flips the pancakes currently cooking - several small ones - over, a little messily as he's distracted, and then steps toward Nagisa, still holding the spatula. ]

It's not bad.

[ He gives a little shake of his head. ]

What you feel is what you feel, Nagisa, and it's okay. I certainly can't judge you, when I came back and cried my eyes out myself. Do you want to tell me?

[Nagisa looks up in disbelief.]

I'm sorry I didn't even know that... I can't worry you about all of these things when I didn't help you then either...

[He wraps his arms around himself, lowering his head in apology.]

I'm an awful friend.

[He looks forlornly at the pancakes, wishing he was stuffing his face with that food instead of stumbling through the conversation after a restless night alone in a big house.]

No, you're not. Not to me anyway. If anything, I'm probably the awful friend for not offering you a chance to help, but rather... keeping things from you because I thought you'd freak out or be upset.

[ Aiichiro shrugs his shoulders, turns back toward the food, figuring at very least he can finish it for Nagisa. Offering physical touch might be a nice thing, but also maybe not the best thing, and he's not sure yet which. So he'll finish cooking first, and then see. ]

I'm already worried at this point, Nagisa. I'd rather you tell me what I'm worried about than just worry in the dark. If you can talk about it, I mean.

It's not even about me!

[He's quick to blurt it out, as mad at himself as he is, then looks ashamed of being so loud. His follow-up is normal conversation level, but that's when the tears prick at his eyes.]

I kept things too. From you and... from Rei-chan. Now I'm sure he hates me.

[And then it all comes out.]

Last night he came by my place, and I hadn't seen him in a week since I left the townhouse because I thought it was all a dream, but it wasn't, but I thought it was, and then everything came out on the Network and he was worried and I felt awful about that, but last night he came by and I just...

I couldn't talk to him - about us, about anything! I didn't want to believe... after a year, him suddenly wanting to be with me again? And all because of that stupid guy who kidnapped me??

... Or am I the stupid one for wanting it again? Because I'm scared to be alone again? That's not fair either...

It's not fair!

[ That was it. Aiichiro flips the pancakes that have just finished cooking off the griddle, plops them onto a plate, and then flat out turns the thing off. He sets the plate on the counter just in case Nagisa does feel like eating, but he doesn't remark on it, instead walking around to stand beside his friend, slide an arm around him. ]

Nagisa, I don't think it's possible for Rei to hate you.

[ Aiichiro tried to pull his friend in close, wanting to hold him more than anything, even if it was awkward with the stool and all. He closed his eyes, spoke very quietly, trying to be reassuring. ]

Of course everyone was worried because they care about you, him included. Even if things get really strange here sometimes, even if we don't know what exactly our feelings are, how to classify them or what counts as love or how things fit together anymore...

[ And he feels that way himself now, about so many people, so many situations. The fact is that he's never been in love before this world, and this world has no real concept of love, and that's jarring and weird. ]

Even if we don't understand all the details, caring about each other is the most important thing. So you're not stupid for being confused, and neither of you are wrong, you just... need to figure out what's going to work for you.

But... how do I do that?

[ He leans in to Aiichiro's hold more. ]

Figure it out, I mean. Back home, I could've told anyone who and what was most important to me without even thinking about it for two seconds. Especially that first month or so back.

But so many things changed... I can't pretend they didn't. And now it's like... how can I go back to that old feeling and say it's still real?

[ He looks up into Ai's face then. ]

You figured it out right after you got back, didn't you? What did you do, Ai-chan?

I didn't think. That's what I did.

[ Aiichiro laughs a little sheepishly, and gives his friend a little squeeze. He wishes he had all the answers, that like the fairy that he roleplay sometimes, he could wave his wand and fix everything. But he doesn't, and he can't. All he knows is what worked for himself, really. ]

I was really upset when I came back. A lot of bad things had happened here, and... remembering them all at once, after not knowing at all at home, it was really scary. To realize what I'd become here, everything I'd done and had done to me, it really hurt.

[ He bites his lip for a second. ]

But I didn't think about what I wanted. When I was upset like that, I just went where my feet took me, and it was to Genesis's door. If I'd been thinking about it more, I'd probably have come to you or one of the guys from home, or to Rin-senpai and Haru, but... I didn't think. I just felt, and moved.

I think that if you did that, you'd wind up by Rei's side, wouldn't you?

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